You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are we still banned from the library?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
