we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
a search helicopter?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
