He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
