i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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