We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
