WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
