Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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