a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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