I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
