So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
