i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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