Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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