Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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