Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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