took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i will never coherently bang her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
