Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
