I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
