I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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