I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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