Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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