Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
