i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
