Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
