I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
