handjob tips. give me some.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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