I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
