its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize