ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
