Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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