And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.