Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in