Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.