I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID