Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
