I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
