Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
