my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
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The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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