I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
