my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
