so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
