Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
