he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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