Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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