im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
