I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
