last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
