I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
