I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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