Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
