i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
