I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Come see our sink grown plant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
