Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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