yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize