Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
