No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
