Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.

Fav 18 1084 3390
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(917): View more from New York City

She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

Fav 19 1033 4568
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wtf?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.

Fav 22 1177 3839
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(785): View more from Kansas

First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.

Fav 13 6171 776
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(410): View more from Maryland

and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

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(917): View more from New York City

I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

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(952): View more from Minnesota

What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.

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(719): View more from Colorado

My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.

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