I'm jealous of your bromance
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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