I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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