I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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