Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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