38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
