break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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