were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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