i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize