My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
