4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
