If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
