If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize