sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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