I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
