Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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