My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
