The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize