She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
