You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
