I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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