Ketchup is God's man juice
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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